HOW TO HELP OURSELVES THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS
by Donna Kalb
1. Family get togethers may be extremely difficult.
Be honest with each other about your feelings. Sit
down with your family and decide what you want to do
for the holiday season. Don't set expectations too
high for yourself or the day. If you wish things to
be the same, you are going to be disappointed. Undertake
only what each family member is able to handle comfortably.
2. There is no right or wrong way to handle the day.
Some may wish to follow family traditions, while others
may choose to change them. It may help to do things
just a little differently. What you choose to the first
year, you don't have to do the next.
3. Keep in mind the feelings of your children or
family members. Try to make the holiday season as joyous
as possible for them.
4. Be careful of "shoulds"--it is better to do what
is most helpful for you and your family. If a situation
looks especially difficult over the holidays, try not
to get involved.
5. Set limitations. Realize that it isn't going to
be easy. Do the things that are very special and/or
important to you. Do the best that you can.
6. Once you have made the decision on how you and
your family will handle the holidays, let relatives
and friends know.
7. Baking and cleaning the house can get out of proportion.
If these chores are enjoyable, go ahead, but not to
the point that it is tiring. This year you could either
buy baked goods or go without.
8. Emotionally, physically and psychologically, it
is draining. You need every bit of strength. Try to
get enough rest.
9. If you used to cut down your own tree, consider
buying it already cut this year. Let your children,
other family members, neighboring teens, friends, or
people from your church help decorate the tree and
house. If you choose not to have a tree, perhaps you
could make a centerpiece from the lower branches of
a tree, get a ceramic tree or a small table- top tree.
10. One possibility for the first year may be to
visit relatives, friends, or even go away on a vacation.
Planning, packing, etc., keeps your mind somewhat off
the holiday and you share the time in a different and
hopefully less painful setting.
11. How do you answer "Happy Holidays?" You may say, "I'll
try" or "Best wishes to you." You think of many answers
you don't say.
12. If you are accustomed to having dinner at your
home, change and go to relatives; or change the time.
Some find it helpful to be involved in the activity
of preparing a large meal. Serving buffet style and/or
eating in a different room may help.
13. Try attending Christmas services at a different
time and/or church.
14. some people fear crying in public, especially
at the church service. It is usually better not to
pust the tears down any time. You should be gentle
with yourself and not expect so much of yourself. Worrying
about crying is an additional burden. If you let go
and cry, you probably will feel better. It should not
ruin the day for the other family members, but will
provide them with the same freedom.
15. copnsider not sending or cutting back on your
cards this year. It is not necessary to send cards,
especially to those people you will see over the holidays.
16. do something for someone else, such as volunteer
work at a soup kitchen or visit the lonely and shut-ins.
Ask somone who is alone to share the day with your
family. Provide help for a needy family. donate a gift
or money in your loved one's name.
17. Share your concerns, feelings, apprehensions,
etc., as the holdiay approaches, with a relative or
friend. Tell them that this is a difficult time for
you. Accept their help. You will appreciate their love
and support at this time.
18. Holidays often magnify feelings of loss of a
loved one. It is important and natural to experience
the sadness that comes. To block such feelings is unhealthy.
Keep the positive memory of your loved one alive.
19. Often after the first year, the people in your
life may expect you to be "over it." We are never "over
it," but the experience of many bereaved is that eventually
they enjoy the holidays again. Hold on to Hope.
20. Don't Forget: "Anticipation of any holiday is
usually much worse than the actual holiday." |