1. Download the Offline Installer Zip.
2. Extract all the files from the Zip into a folder.
3. Run installer.bat
4. At the options screen, press 1 and then Enter.
5. Watch the Matrix letters fly by.
6. After it is done, you can close the Installer.
7. Play Minecraft.
8. ????
9. PROFIT!!!!!


PROTIP:  Actually read the words on the installer.
PROTIP:  Read the ReadMe file that came with it.